Lockdown: Day 400

Everyone that is anyone who has a pet, knows the meaning of unconditional love.

It’s the type of love that is limitless. There are no boundaries. No caps to the conversation. No-fuss.

There are cuddles, warmth, understanding eyes, a lot of love, and many hilarious moments.

Mexico and I - we are a team.

My house is always full because two hearts are beating within these four walls. She has been my one constant. She eats, blogs, sleeps next to me and keeps me company when I shower. Even at 2h30 in the morning. She is somewhat obsessed with licking the water from my feet when I jump out of the shower. And she is always there.

Today, my cat is also no longer breathing. Mexico died on Monday and I am not okay.

Her Euthanasia wasn’t planned. I had found a flea in her coat over the weekend and thought I’d take her in for her vaccinations on my off day. Monday started with a run and Mexico was her usual self. She woke up with me, I let her out for a bit, she got back and we watched the sun come up together before I left.

We danced around each other in the kitchen when I got back from my run. She screamed for milk, and I indulge her with a few drops. She ate and eventually settled on the bathroom mat while I showered. She licked my feet as I got out and on this particular day even scored a cuddle before I got ready for the day. She looked particularly cute.

Her vet appointment was at 10h30 and while I raced to get ready, my cat decided to nap upstairs. I gazed at her for a little bit before I woke her for her appointment. She was fussy and refused to go into the carrier and so I wrapped her up in a blanket and whispered, “We won’t be long and then you can go right back to sleep again.”

I walked into my home a little after 11h00 with just my blanket and no Mexico.

I was shattered.

I have not been able to sleep since then. My eyes close at night but I can still hear my Mexico’s bell. I can still smell her fish breath. I’m not used to sleeping without the body of my cat curled into my back at night.

Missing her is agony.

I have watched the sunrise every day since Monday with an ache in my belly. No longer am I treated to the silent company of Mexico. There are no hugs, no prayers together. I no longer am asking God to protect her kidneys and give her another day. Instead, my prayers have changed. I thank God for the extraordinary feline she was. My cat was amazing. She may have been adopted but she was mine.

In the past couple of years, I have come to love the way she stood on her hind legs, reaching out for me with her paws to get my attention if she felt neglected. I loved how she would mosey onto my lap whenever I read a book. How she would rest atop my hip if I was napping and hug it as if I was the most precious thing in her world. I loved how she loved me. Mexico was especially vocal when I blogged or if I was on my indoor bike. She would stand on the staircase and talk until I picked her up. Some days I would shout at her but she never did stop. She would only stop if I drew her near me into an embrace. She was cute. She also ruined all my jerseys. She would sleep atop my fresh linen and on days when it was too hot, she would crawl into my linen cupboard and sleep on top of the towels.

Mexico also snored. Some days she surprised herself and would get up with a fright. She hated thunder and whenever she went outside, she would argue with all the cats in the complex. She appeared aloof, but I guess it was a rouse. She enjoyed it if you scratched her under the chin and if she caught me laying on my belly, she saw this as an opportunity to inspect my hair. She would sleep on my back with her entire head in my neck, under my mane. I found this to be quite odd.

My cat was my whole world and even though I feel guilty for deciding to ultimately end her life. I know in my heart that I did the most humane thing for her. She is no longer in pain.

Instead, in my mind. My grey-haired beauty is bouncing around with my father in heaven. I have been asking my dad for a while now to keep Mexico for me until I get there.

Forever beautiful. Forever young. Forever my Mexico.